(You can find the short version on my website here)
Content warning: mention of suicide statistics.
Doula: non-medical support person.
Postnatal (or postpartum) doula: providing emotional and practical support to a mother or parent after their baby is born.
I’m sitting on a couch in the house of a woman I have only just met, demonstrating with a teddy bear how she could try adjusting her baby to create an effective breastfeeding latch. This first-time-mum moves her 15-day old daughter slightly and, suddenly, she is feeding beautifully. The mum is surprised and delighted that her baby is feeding and it’s not hurting, and it is all I can do to not to start cheering and doing a happy dance. I am so happy for her, and also just so happy- how did I get to be so lucky to have this as my job? I realised in that moment that I had found my passion: supporting and encouraging newborn mothers and parents.
But how did I get here? I don’t have my own kids yet and I’ve spent most of my 20s at university, getting a Science degree (in psychology) and an Arts degree (in anthropology). I even dragged myself through the Honours year in psychology, running an experiment and writing a thesis on ‘Information and discussion: Unpacking the effects of small group interaction on norm formation’– back when I understood what that meant! When I wasn’t writing essays or running statistical analyses at university, I was a climate change activist and campaigner for a few years, and then coaching the coaches on a leadership program.
So it’s a pretty fair question- why did I choose to become a postnatal doula?
Throughout my psychology degree I studied infant development and wellbeing whenever I could. I have always loved babies, so this made sense. I was offering childminding services by the age of 12 for families with babies on my street, and went on to nanny for families with babies and toddlers throughout my teens and twenties. One family even flew me to California to look after their 5-month-old baby while they attended a conference there- I couldn’t believe such a dream job had fallen in my lap until I was actually on the plane.
[Pictured: Pacific Grove, California]
But the role of a postnatal doula is to look after the mother (or primary caregiver, be they female, male or non-binary) not the baby, so what happened? Well, there I was at university learning in-depth about the ways in which a baby completely relies on their mother (or primary caregiver) not only for all their physical needs, but for all their emotional needs too. Having their needs met doesn’t just affect the baby’s day-to-day wellbeing, it has significant flow-on effects throughout childhood development and adulthood.
Meeting a baby’s physical and emotional needs is a challenge even if you are well rested and have all the time in the world. Babies themselves often don’t know what they need, they just know how they feel. Even when they do know they can’t tell you with words, just cries and body language. Meeting a baby’s needs requires a high level of attunement, sensitivity, guesswork and empathy. Hard work, skilled work, and difficult to do when you are tired. And yet all the mothers I knew doing this work were bravely struggling on through often quite severe sleep-deprivation and never-ending to-do lists.
It seemed all wrong to me.
How could we let the most important time to be sensitive and responsive to someone else’s needs (the baby’s first year) also be the time a person is most likely to be sleep-deprived, overloaded and isolated?
So I started to look into how I could support mothers. It became clear to me that there is no better way to look after a baby’s wellbeing (and long-term social and emotional development) than to look after the baby’s mother. Of course, as I learnt more about supporting a mother’s wellbeing, I realised it wasn’t just for the baby’s sake that mothers need support. Many mothers in Australia are suffering (#understatementoftheyear). The leading cause of death in the first 12 months after a pregnancy ends is suicide[i]. As high as 1 in 5 mothers will be suffer with postnatal anxiety, and 1 in 7 with postnatal depression[ii]. Not to mention the often confronting physical changes and conditions that can happen as a result of pregnancy and birth. In fact, many people who give birth do not fully recover physically from the toll of giving birth and raising young children for many years[iii].
But it doesn’t have to be like this.
It turns out that our society is one of the only cultures across the world (and across history) that does notlook after mothers when their baby is born. If you have a baby today in Asia, South America, Africa, and parts of Europe it is highly likely you will receive intensive support for the first 6-8 weeks. You would have nothing to do except rest, bond with and breastfeed your baby. Someone else cooks for you and takes care of all your chores and normal responsibilities. Cultures across the world recognise the importance of this time for you and the baby, and how support in the newborn days can have positive effects for years to come. Taking care of the mother after giving birth is often enshrined in strict cultural customs and traditional medicine[iv].
Dr Dana Raphael realised this in the 1970s- there always needs to be someone mothering the mother. Dr Raphael was an English anthropologist who went looking for answers when she couldn’t breastfeed her first baby even though she wanted to. She realised that in each culture with a high breastfeeding rate she researched there was a support role being fulfilled (often by the new mother’s mother, mother-in-law or sister)- and she coined the term ‘doula’ to describe it. This ‘doula’ looked after the mother, so that the mother could focus solely on looking after the new baby and resting and recovering from birth.
Establishing breastfeeding is just one of the biological processes that benefits hugely from sufficient social and practical support for the new mother[v]. Physical healing and recovery from pregnancy and birth does as well (duh), not to mention the brain rewiring (I’m not even kidding, #science) and hormonal shifts going on. Nature has our backs in the most fascinating ways when it comes to having and raising babies, however it would seem it relies on the assumption that a new mother or parent will be well-supported!
And that, my friends, is exactly why I became a postnatal doula. The status quo in mainstream Australian culture is quite frankly heartbreaking, but the potential for what could be if parents have enough support is ridiculously inspiring to me.
I have been running my own business as a postnatal doula for 3 years now, and I love this work. I still get excited at the possibility of supporting a new family, and I still love learning and talking about the potential of postnatal support. The thousand-odd words you just read are a case-in-point, breaking all the blogs-should-be-short-and-sweet rules. Thanks for coming along for the ride!
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Interested in working with me?
If you’re in Australia (or New Zealand!) I come to you! Either in real life for Intensive Postnatal Support or online for Planning Sessions.
Book a free, no-obligation consultation here.
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References:
[i]AIHW: Humphrey MD, Bonello MR, Chughtai A, Macaldowie A, Harris K & Chambers GM 2015. Maternal deaths in Australia 2008–2012. Maternal deaths series no. 5. Cat. no. PER 70. Canberra: AIHW. accessed at: https://www.aihw.gov.au/getmedia/07bba8de-0413-4980-b553-7592089c4c8c/18796.pdf.aspx?inline=true
[ii]Mental Health Care in the Perinatal Period: Australian Clinical Practice Guideline. 2017 at: https://www.clinicalguidelines.gov.au/portal/2586/mental-health-care-perinatal-period-australian-clinical-practice-guideline
[iii]Serralach, O. 2018. The Postnatal Depletion Cure. Hachette: Australia.
[iv]See: Allison, J. 2016. Golden Month. Beatnik Publishing: New Zealand.
Ou, H. 2016. The First Forty Days. Stewart Tabori & Chang: US.
[v]Raphael, D. 1973. The Tender Gift: Breastfeeding. Prentice Hall: UK.